Five Reasons I Am Excited to Go Back to America for Christmas

1. Christmas
Clearly, this is the biggest and most obvious. During the time I lived in London, I spent Christmas away from home...it wasn't awful, really. I got drinks with friends Christmas Eve, opened presents with my family via Skype, had a nice dinner with my roommate. But it wasn't the same. I want to go home and see our 12-ft tall (real!) tree that has more ornaments than branches. I want to help Mom move all the Rudolph stuffed toys down the basement so she can perform the show while we watch the DVD at the same time. I want to eat my dad's macaroni and cheese with 80 or our nearest and dearest and then sing a tone-deaf, slightly intoxicated version of '12 Days of Christmas' with everyone invented hand motions and the kids trying to drown out one another. I want to go ice skating at town center with my sister and wander Tyson's and drink wine with my best friends while we talk about the past year. I want to do all of these things and, in less than a week, I can.

2. Hamburgers
I'm pretty sure I'm going to Five Guys on the way home from the airport (so long as I don't get airplane food poisoning again...). Do you have idea how glorious a dead cow with cheese sounds right now? And Cajun fries? Oh my. Not only are the Brits terrible at burgers, but I have found myself surrounded by a disproportionately high number of vegetarians these past few months, which only makes me crave meat more. It's definitely a situation of 'for every animal you save, I'll eat three,' and I'd like to make good on this threat as quickly as possible.

3. Clothes
I know it's impossible, but I swear I wear everything in my closet every day. Or, that's what it feel likes. I am so. very. bored. with what I have to wear...I want dresses, again. I want shoe options. I want a second sweatshirt, at least. I want options! Also, I want my winter coat, desperately. It's so very cold.

4. Perspective
I feel like I've been making fairly significant life choices in a bubble, recently. Not to say I've been making bad decisions, just been making them without any input from people who know me really well, who know what my situation is and what makes me happy/unhappy, etc. I'd like to be able to talk to my family about my academic/living plans, talk to my friends about social things, etc.

5. PEOPLE
Oh my sweet heaven, I cannot wait to see people. This was kind of covered in the first and fourth points but....my family! My sister! KaJaMa! Jacey! All the DC adventure people! My New York crew! All of my people! I have been truly lucky to meet a wonderful group of friends here, but getting to see my people at home again....wonderful. Truly wonderful.

Merry Christmas, chickens.

Five Videos I'm Into Right Now

(because it can't all be quotes from books I'm giving away)

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

...okay, so I'm always into that last one.

Five Reasons Why the Winter Olympics Are Better Than the Summer Olympics

Still experiencing a little post-Olympic withdrawal. 2012 seems so far, while 2014 is a LIFETIME. And, as we all know, the Winter Olympics are way better than the Summer Olympics. Why's that, you ask? I'll tell you.

1. The age range

This is one of those classic cases where I have no facts to back up this statement, but it seems to me that there is a much wider age range in the Winter Olympics than the summer ones. A lot of the athletes I saw were late 20's to early 30's, but there were still teenagers in most events as well, so it seems that the sports just lend themselves to wider age ranges. I like this because a) you get to know the the athletes because they participate in more than one Olympics, b) there's a transition between the younger and older athletes and c) if someone messes up (Lindsey Jacobellis, anyone?) you don't have to feel quite as bad because maybe next time! Also, repeat Olympic appearances means that athletes have a chance to get their first-Olympic jitters out of the way, which could potentially lead to great performances. ALSO, repeat Olympic performances mean rivalries can be strengthened, and that's ha;f the fun!

2. Less is more

I know the Summer Olympics are more egalitarian, but I enjoy the fact that there are less countries in the Winter Games, not because I don't want those missing countries to have a chance to compete but because it makes watching it easier/more enjoyable. The aforementioned rivalries are more concentrated and take on a greater country-v-country aspect, the medal standing are easier to track, etc.

Along those lines, there are also fewer events in the Winter Games, which means I really can follow EVERYTHING, and care, and get behind Team USA as a whole as opposed to reducing it the Michael Phelps and the gymnastics team.

3. Racing on a track is less than racing on anything else

One of the biggest Summer Olympics sports is running. Running with hurdles, running without, running in teams, running this distance, running that, running running running. I find watching running incredibly boring. The distances are usually short, or feel way too long, people seem to go much slower than they do...I just don't like it. But strap a pair of skates on their feet? Done and done. Seriously, compare short track to track track...there's no comparison. Short track is way, way better. The grace, the balance required, the fact that you are almost guaranteed a collision at some point, the angle of the skaters...it's just all way better. Alpine skiing? Better. Bobsled? Better, if only marginally. And it goes on.

4. Danger! Danger, Will Robinson!

The Winter Olympics are about 1000x more dangerous than the Summer Olympics. Almost every sport involves risking life and limb in some serious way, and disaster lurks around every corner. I don't watch the Winter Olympic because I want someone to get hurt, but the fact that they could (and do) makes the viewing experience way more intense/suspenseful. Also, it gives me greater respect for the athletes. Yes, you can swim fast, but you don't require courage to get in that pool, while I think throwing yourself down a mountains takes some serious balls.

5. We get to hate on Russia again

Seriously, the Russians are just the best villains the world has ever seen, and the Winter Olympics once again give us an opportunity to be locked in an epic battle with them for supremacy (one we handily won this last time round). You only need to see the Plushenko profile to see how a view shots of Moscow and a little accented discussion of one's "enemies" can take men's figure skating and elevate it to James Bond proportions.

Five Passages from The Boxcar Children #6: Blue Bay Mystery

Because why not?

1. "Can Watch go?" asked Benny.
"Sorry, my boy. Let me tell you about Watch," began Mr. Alen.
"And now I know he can't," said Benny.

2. "I never saw such a lovely blue bay!" cried Jessie.
"You never will," said Lars. "They say this is the bluest bay in the world. We call it Blue Bay."

3. "..Sit on the big rocks. I'll give you each a fish line in a minute."
But it turned out that Lars had only four fish lines.
"It's just as well, " said Mr. Alden. "You girls sit on the rock and watch."

4. "Sounds good," said Peter. "My mother used to cook good things. I hope we can find her."

(Note: By "find her" Peter means "I hope she didn't die in that horrible shipwreck")

5. Mr. Alden went on. "Another thing, Captain, have you your secret camera?"
"Oh yes, I always have that."

...and one more!

BONUS: "I hope I can live till tomorrow," said Benny.
They all lived till "tomorrow."

Five Pieces of Clothing I Blame Ann M. Martin For

My morning has been unusually productive, but in between scheduling meetings and making photocopies, I have found ample time to explore What Claudia Wore. Who is Claudia, you ask, and why do we care what she wore? Well, my friend, you have obviously never been a 6 year old girl child. The "Claudia" is one Ms. Claudia Kishi, vice-president of the infamous Baby-Sitter's Club and fashion icon for those of us learning to read in the late 80s/early 90s.

Fact: I really wanted to be Claudia. She was so hip! She was so cool! She was Japanese! An artist! SHE WAS THIRTEEN! I aspired to be all of these things when I was six (yes, including Japanese) and thus, I tried my darndest to also dress like her.

Oh, emma.

To give you a sense, today's five things are five articles of clothing I not only owned but WORE. Not only wore, but thought I looked GREAT in. To my knowledge, none of these specific articles were ever photographed, which is a win for me since not only do I shudder to recall them but I was pretty round little kid back in the day who was also awkwardly taller than all her classmates. Also, all of them were bought and worn with the idea they made me look more like Claudia.

Ah youth.

1. Electric Blue Spandex Stirrup Pants ...yeah, do I really need to say anything else? Except that I bet American Apparel is selling them right now, which means time has taught us nothing.

2. Scottie Dog Shirt In retrospect, this probably leaned more towards "adorable nineties child" wear and less "80's trainwreck," but I recall it specifically because to me, in the first grade, it was something Claudia would have worn. The sleeves were long and black with, I think, some kind of herringbone pattern on the cuffs while the torso was half red and half yellow (front and back, kind of like a jester's coat). On the front were..three? appliqued Scottie dogs with bow ties in a plaid that was either red or yellow depending on which half of the shirt they were on (yellow on red/red on yellow). I really loved this shirt.

3. Purple Corduroy Overalls These were particularly exciting because my Claudia doll had them, too! Except hers were shorts and mine were pants, which meant I couldn't wear hot pink tights underneath in a way anyone would see. Oh well.

4. Puffy Shirt I do not watch Seinfeld, but I am aware there is an episode the revolves around this weird puffy-ruffled shirt. Guess who owned one of those? THIS girl! Oh yeah, was a big fan of that thing. It was white and kind of silky, and I may have owned a second in denim (the denim one? Okay, I admit, there may be a school photo...).

5. Harlequin Mask Pins I found these to be really exciting, and never felt more "hip" and "with it" than when I was wearing them on either side of my purple corduroy overalls.

I am...yeah, I got no words on this one. So I will leave you with a posting from What Claudia Wore. This was the inspiration for all the horror just described. This was the goal of six year old emma's style aspirations:

"For instance, at that Labor Day meeting she was wearing a bracelet of dyed, braided shoelaces, along with a blousy ruffled shirt that looked as if it once belonged to Captain Hook; mismatched high-top Converse sneakers; and baggy, pinstriped men's suit pants, gathered at the waist with a bungee cord. On me, something like that would look like a Halloween costume. On Claudia it looked way cool."

...See?

Five Pictures

Been relying too much on the word, lately and not enough on the image. Working off of today's photograph of a routemaster, here are five pieces by my favorite non-photography artists.

1. Georges Seurat, Au Concert Parisien

Sadly, this is not my favorite Seurat drawing. That would be one of a lone figure walking down a street under a streetlight that I saw as part of a visiting exhibition at the Peggy Guggenheim when I was 12. being 12, I didn't take the time to right down or commit to memory the name. Fie on me, I say. But this give you the general picture...the blurry edges, the figures barely coming out of the dark, and this one even has a theatrical element!

2. Edward Hopper, Rooms for Tourists

I think, at this point, it's pretty well established that (without necessarily being a particularly sad person), I do quite like sad things. This may be why Edward Hopper is my favorite artist. His pictures tend to be bright, bold and simple and yet somehow also lonely and heart breaking. They also are so rich with story, it's insane. Even this quiet house, I feel, has a story behind it, and I love wondering about what that story is.

3. William Hogarth, Marriage a La Mode- Scene II: Shortly After Marriage

Speaking of stories! William Hogarth is the man. Painting in the 18th century, he's pretty much one of the first serial cartoonists, making series of paintings that tell often cynical and scandalous stories about terrible people leading terrible lives. It's like fine art as a reality TV show. I saw an exhibit of his work in London and it's just...awesome. Every picture is incredibly rich in detail and they read almost like mini-plays. This print is the second in a seven-part series detailing a marriage of convenience that devolves into death, madness and all kind of adultery. Good times! As you can tell from the black dot on the tired man, he already has syphilis.

4. Van Gogh, Vase of Roses

The problem with Van Gogh is that I don't think his painting photograph remarkably well because part of what makes them so fascinating is their texture. This is a man who, in between cutting ears and going wonky, really liked to lay on paint, and when you stand in front of one of his pieces it's hard to resist the urge to run your hands over them. This is a painting that's in the Met and, I think, a particularly good example of what I'm talking about. Next time you're in New York, go investigate.

5. Rene Magritte, Empire of Light

Settling on the last picture was rough (what about Vermeer? Renoir? Sundry others?), but I love love love this picture. It has an element of a children's book about it, and yet is still so simple and elegant and I love the juxtaposition of night/day. What you can't see in the picture here, and can only really see in person, is that there are things in the dark. To the right of the house is a gate that leads into a garden, and it's impossible to explain how you can see that, but you can. you wind up kind of falling into this picture, and accepting the reality it creates.

Now on to less artistic endeavors...

Five Problems with 'Dollhouse'

Virginia got a healthy dusting of snow on Saturday, which gave me an excellent chance to catch up with Joss Whedon's 'Dollhouse.' The show is in its second season, but has been cancelled, and now Fox is burning through the remaining episodes two at time to get it all over with as soon as possible. Having seen many, many episodes of 'Buffy' and being a diehard lover of 'Firefly,' I don't feel 'Dollhouse' lived up to either of these previous projects. Here are five things I would have changed:

1. Eliza Dushku. This is both the most obvious problem and the biggest, in my mind. Dushku may be hot, but she's also horrible. I know she's a Whedon favorite, but why oh why? She's like Sci-Fi television's Mariah Gale. The girl can't act. And this is especially problematic/apparent in a show whose premise is based on a) the fact that the characters become completely different people each episode and b) the character of Echo/Caroline is supposed to have a mystic draw when it comes to all of the other characters (see point 2). To make matters even worse, Enver Gjokaj is just hands down AMAZING (troublesome RP accent aside), and any time Victor and Echo share an episode, Dushku's failings become even more apparent.

2. The Ballard/Caroline dynamic. Tiresome. Whedon kind of likes to mess with his audience, which is why the savior complex Ballard's ex-FBI agent feel towards Echo is given such a creepy undertone (which, though a clever angle, I don't think is taken far enough), but even that isn't enough to satisfactorily distract from the fact that this central through line is so incredibly done. I was over it the moment Ballard got a photograph and a name, and it was extra frustrating when paired with the genuinely intriguing Mellie relationship. This is much like the Enver/Eliza contrast...Whedon gives us something worthwhile, but makes it secondary to something tired, vaguely cliched and far more mainstream. Of course, if you had a more compelling actress playing Echo, it could have worked out well, but I find Dushku to have all the charisma of a Canal Street handbag, and so that someone should fixate on her is, to me, completely unbelievable and makes that through line feel even more like a kind of tried-and-true gimmick as opposed to an organic relationship between the characters.

3. Lack of humor. If you watched 'Firefly' you know that Whedon is more than capable of balancing intrigue and danger with laugh out loud funny ("I swear by my pretty little bonnet I will end you."), but the world of 'Dollhouse' is far too earnest and takes itself far too seriously to allow for such a balance, it seems. Not to say the show doesn't have it's funny moments, but they originate almost entirely from the neuroses of the chief programmer, Topher (if you saw the second of last week's episodes you will probably agree with me that the Tophers were among the best things ever, and further proof that Gjokaj is just phenomenal), or from some kind of neurological mix-up (Topher and Adele's deep discussion of brown sauce, Gjokaj's hilarious accidental turn as Kiki). When the humorous moments come, they are a joy, but there is also something obvious about them, as if Whedon realizes he owes us a few laughs. They don't always feel natural and there aren't enough of them. I understand this is not a "funny" show, but I don't know that the truly serious episodes are strong enough to stand on their own (with the possible exception of Epitaph One), especially when they are anchored around...you guessed it, Eliza Dushku. Seriously, so much could be fixed if she wasn't the anchor.

4. Epitaph One. This is a tricky problem to get into, and I know I probably stand alone, but Epitaph One really came close to ruining the second season for me. Released as DVD extra, there are 'Dollhouse' watches who have never seen this episode, and I envy them. As a stand alone, it is pretty phenomenal, and I love me some Felicia Day, but to release it ahead of the second season was, I think, a mistake. It takes place in the future and gives us a picture of what the Dollhouse's technology has done to our planet and society. Fascinating stuff, but the fast-forward ruins the suspense of the second's seasons episodes since we see the end result of all of the characters relationships. True, we don't know how they got there, but I don't know that I particularly care. It strikes the journey as hollow, like knowing the final score of a sporting event. Sure, there may still be exciting plays, but they lose a lot since you know the outcome.

Victoria loves the episode because she likes seeing the clues to the future and knowing where they lead to, and maybe that's most people. For me, I much prefer to be kept in the dark and try to figure out myself untile all is revealed, and then go back and look for the hints I missed the first time around. Had there been no second season, Epitaph One would have been a great way to answer questions and provide a stop to the series. Instead, it takes the fun out of it.

5. All of the above. I know, this sounds like a total cop-out fifth problem, but let me explain. This show has incredible promise. There are episodes that leave me totally floored (who else totally freaked out when the phone rang and Adele's voice calmly proclaimed 'There are three flowers in a vase. the third flower is green."? Blew my mind) and, despite my problems with the second season (see previous point), they are really getting interesting with the ways to screw with Echo (Echo as a mother and the serial killer episode were both incredibly cool). Adele is a kick-ass woman, Mellie was a welcome addition to the "I look like a real person" stable of television actresses and the secondary characters are incredibly interesting/compelling (Enver Gjokaj! I can't say that enough). But, I have not recommended it to a single person. Because, for all of it's potential, it doesn't come together. I find the holes just too big, and to get to a place where you do become interested and invested is more of a commitment than I think is worth it. I would say, at this point, at least a quarter of the episodes I could do without, most of which come from the first season and the complicated nature of the plot makes it vital you watch them all.

It was a cool premise, and sometimes succeeds, but too much of the good is too far undermined by the bad. When it goes off the air in January, I can't say I'll be crushed. I certainly won't be surprised.

Five Things From My Google Reader

Just returned from another one of my ill-advised-but-so-worth-it epic theater road trips, driving over 1000 miles in 56 hours to catch Punchdrunk's 'Sleep No More' (and a minor cold). Show was fantastic, the company was fabulous and the cold didn't kill me. A successful weekend.

Now, 56 hours, is really not that much until you come home and log-on to the interwebs for the first time since gleefully leaving work early on Friday. 487. That's the number of posts Google Reader had waiting for me and, I am proud to say, I have finally gotten through them all! So today's Five Things will be culled from those offerings. In no particular order...

1) Via Joy, I give you the automatic packing list. I just tried it out for my upcoming weekend jaunt to New York, and while it seems pretty straight-forward it DOES save you the hassle of thinking for yourself. And in this day and age, who doesn't love that?

2) Remember, back a bit ago when Obama offered to write a little girl at one of his speeches a note for missing school? Maybe he got the idea from one of his predecessors. It seems another awesome president, this one by the name of Lincoln, once took time out from saving the Union to write a note to a little boy to confirm the child's story about meeting him. If you can't read it, it says "To whom it may concern: I did see and talk with Master George Evans Patten, last May, at Springfield, Illinois. Respectfully, A. Lincoln."

You can find the original story over The Daily Dish.

3. You know what else you can find at the Daily Dish? A baby otter. But I will save you all that tiresome clicking and just give it to you here:

4. It's only been a week but I'm already experiencing post-Mad Men malaise. This video of Roger Sterling's best one liners did a bit to cheer me up, but they left out three of my favs! A big ol' "Good for you" if you can guess the missing lines:

5. There are a lot of things that disturb me these days (previous posts), and The Disney Channel ranks pretty high up there. Through baby-sitting and my sister (who is for the record, 19) I have wound up seeing at least one episode of the following: Hannah Montana, Jonas, Sunny With a Chance, The Wizards of Waverly Place and, the subject of this Slate article, The Suite Life of Zach and Cody. None of it makes me feel great about the future. Where's Beauty and the beast when you need it?

Five Sonnets

I am feeling that generally lovey feeling that comes with the onset of the Christmas season (seriously, I think this is the most romantic time of the year) and the creation of a Fred Astaire Pandora channel. Why not keep it going with some poetry from a guy who knew a thing or two about love, my main man Mr. Billy Shakes? Thus, today's Five Things is dedicated to five of the Bard's sonnets (in order of personal preference).

1. Sonnet 30
When to the sessions of sweet silent thought
I summon up remembrance of things past,
I sigh the lack of many a thing I sought,
And with old woes new wail my dear time's waste:
Then can I drown an eye, unused to flow,
For precious friends hid in death's dateless night,
And weep afresh love's long since cancell'd woe,
And moan the expense of many a vanish'd sight:
Then can I grieve at grievances foregone,
And heavily from woe to woe tell o'er
The sad account of fore-bemoaned moan,
Which I new pay as if not paid before.
But if the while I think on thee, dear friend,
All losses are restored and sorrows end.

1. Sonnet 29
When, in disgrace with fortune and men's eyes,
I all alone beweep my outcast state
And trouble deal heaven with my bootless cries
And look upon myself and curse my fate,
Wishing me like to one more rich in hope,
Featured like him, like him with friends possess'd,
Desiring this man's art and that man's scope,
With what I most enjoy contented least;
Yet in these thoughts myself almost despising,
Haply I think on thee, and then my state,
Like to the lark at break of day arising
From sullen earth, sings hymns at heaven's gate;
For thy sweet love remember'd such wealth brings
That then I scorn to change my state with kings.

3. Sonnet 27
Weary with toil, I haste me to my bed,
The dear repose for limbs with travel tired;
But then begins a journey in my head,
To work my mind, when body's work's expired:
For then my thoughts, from far where I abide,
Intend a zealous pilgrimage to thee,
And keep my drooping eyelids open wide,
Looking on darkness which the blind do see
Save that my soul's imaginary sight
Presents thy shadow to my sightless view,
Which, like a jewel hung in ghastly night,
Makes black night beauteous and her old face new.
Lo! thus, by day my limbs, by night my mind,
For thee and for myself no quiet find.

4. Sonnet 128
How oft, when thou, my music, music play'st,
Upon that blessed wood whose motion sounds
With thy sweet fingers, when thou gently sway'st
The wiry concord that mine ear confounds,
Do I envy those jacks that nimble leap
To kiss the tender inward of thy hand,
Whilst my poor lips, which should that harvest reap,
At the wood's boldness by thee blushing stand!
To be so tickled, they would change their state
And situation with those dancing chips,
O'er whom thy fingers walk with gentle gait,
Making dead wood more blest than living lips.
Since saucy jacks so happy are in this,
Give them thy fingers, me thy lips to kiss.

5. Sonnet 109
O, never say that I was false of heart,
Though absence seem'd my flame to qualify.
As easy might I from myself depart
As from my soul, which in thy breast doth lie:
That is my home of love: if I have ranged,
Like him that travels I return again,
Just to the time, not with the time exchanged,
So that myself bring water for my stain.
Never believe, though in my nature reign'd
All frailties that besiege all kinds of blood,
That it could so preposterously be stain'd,
To leave for nothing all thy sum of good;
For nothing this wide universe I call,
Save thou, my rose; in it thou art my all.

Five Things I Am Loving Right Now

1) These pants. After weeks of trying to find a pair that fit me, Gap finally came through. I am wearing them now and they are pretty much the most comfortable things I've ever put on. I'm serious, it's like wearing pajama pants to work except these have nice detailing and no drawstring. I am probably going back this weekend to get another pair in navy. They are to die for.

2) Northern Lite Turtle Lattes. I'm not even sure what flavor "turtle" is, but I know it is delicious and sugar-free. Not sugar-free (but also worthy of love) is Swiss Miss' new Pick-Me-Up hot cocoa, which has all the caffeine of a cup of coffee. Somebody has a direct link to my brain, it seems.

3) Yankees Playoff Baseball. OMFG, are you watching this team?!?! Three- THREE- come from behind wins to clinch the ALDS in three and now up 2-0 in the ALCS. A-Rod is having a clutch post season, pitching has been stellar, the games have been close (Saturday's game: 2-2 from the fifth on and tying it back up 3-3 in the ELEVENTH? Scoring on an error in the THIRTEENTH?! Are you kidding me with this?)...my god, I love this team.

4) October. It is cold! And almost Halloween! And all of this is just tip-toeing us ever closer to my favorite red-cupped holiday...

5) Anyone I have seen in the past month. For serious, I am having the BEST time with the old crowd. I am being completely and utterly spoiled by my wonderful, amazing friends.

A Collection of Things

New temp jobs, new opportunity to post random thoughts that meander through my brain. Let's begin.

1. If there are lots of empty seats on a train or bus, including many that are next to each, don't sit next to me. Why would you do that? Don't you want a seat to yourself?

2. From Slate.com: "I didn't know how much I wanted to see Don Draper vault over a bar and chat up a Southwestern stranger while mixing an old-fashioned (with rye) until I saw him do it in this scene." Yes.

3. Is it weird that most of the new music I discover these days comes from television? And, more often than not, commercials?

4. As much as I love Vogue, there is something perverse and profoundly dillusional about any publication that shows you &490 hats as "bargain buys." On a similar note, it was just downright cruel for Real Simple to feature a $2,000 Prada bag on the cover of their 'Dress for Less' issue. Totally not okay.

5. 'Julie & Julia' is a great movie, mostly because Meryl Streep as Julia Child is a treasure and Amy Adams is just so likeable she makes it reasonably easy to ignore how dislikeable Julie Powell is. Also, was excited to see Kacie S. in it. I know people who know her!

Almost time for lunch, where I will drink another Diet Coke and savor the feeling of my teeth rotting from the inside out.