Five Videos I'm Into Right Now

(because it can't all be quotes from books I'm giving away)

1.

2.

3.

4.

5.

...okay, so I'm always into that last one.

Michael Buble is Being Stalked by a Velociraptor

(and it's kind of the best thing ever)

LEAD FEMALE'S NAME

"You deduce that by removing your sunglasses to the strains of a Who song?"

No joke, I am really craving Velveeta Shells and Mac now.

Clearly, I Need a Trip to the Shore

I have been slow to investigate and (as is inevitable) embrace MTV's Jersey Shore but this video may have sealed the deal.

The REAL Situation (Feat. MTV Jersey Shore's The Situation, Snooki, and Pauly D) - watch more funny videos

Guess what I'm doing over Christmas?

All the Single Ladies (All the Single Ladies...)

Oh, man.

The West Wing Didn't Go Away, It Just Got Elected

A brilliant Jezebel.com commenter sees the Salahis through a Sorkin lense:

It would open with Toby and Sam holding a copy of the Washington Post with the
partycrashers pictures on the cover.
Toby: "Do you see what this is?"
Sam: "That would appear to be a very blonde lady in a Sari with the Vice
President."
Toby: (louder) DO YOU SEE WHAT THIS IS?
Sam: (peering
closer) Party crashers? Here? (more to himself) I didn't even know that was
possible.
Toby: PARTY CRASHERS. AT THE WHITE HOUSE.
Sam: (still to
himself) How'd they get past the secret service?
Toby: That's what everyone
is going to want to know. GINGER!

-cut to Leo's office with Sam and
Toby-
Toby: Leo, have you seen this?
Leo: Seen what? It's earlier Toby.
-Toby hands over paper-
Leo: Is this what I think it is?
Sam: It
depends what you think it is.
Leo: IS THIS WHAT I THINK IT IS?
Sam: If
you think it's two reality tv show wannabes who managed to slip past 4 layers of
secret service security to crash the state dinner, as the kids are saying these
days, then yes.
Leo: -withering look- MARGARET!

I feel like it would
be one of President Bartlett's good days - where the staff would be all atwitter
and freaking out and Leo would be yelling at people like crazy to figure out
"how these LUNATICS got past the people who are not even supposed to let a
SPEEDING BULLET get to the president and have prevented 32 assassination
attempts this year alone!"

Cut to Donna pacing frantically outside
Josh's office, and when he finally looks up to ask her what's wrong she rushes
in and just word vomits all over him:
Josh: Yes?
Donna: So you know how
my sister's cousin's veterinarian's brother had that polo association?
Josh:
No, but go on.
Donna: Well... they contacted me a couple days ago but
getting an invitation to this party and I told them that I didn't have any say
in it but I could try to finagle them an invitation and-
Josh: DONNA.
Donna: Yes Josh?
Josh: I'm going to hope I'm getting this wrong, but are
you telling me that you invited this couple to the party?
Donna: No! That's
what I wanted to tell you! I told them I DIDN'T have an invitation for them but
they showed up anyways!
Josh: Uh - okay. Just - just go do something and let
me figure this out. Get me Toby.
Donna: Josh?
Josh: Yeah Donna?
Donna: Are you mad at me?
Josh: I'm - no. Just - Just get Toby.

Toby: It was DONNA?
Josh: It was Donna. Rather it wasn't Donna, but
it was Donna.

As Josh is leaving (wrapping his scarf around his neck) he
runs in Danny Kincade walking out.
"Danny, walk with me."
"What's going
on Josh?"
"This party crashers story - is this still going to be big
tomorrow?"
"Well, considering how everyone's going to be talking about how
the secret service let someone gatecrash the party? Yes."

Something
MAJOR happens though (like a speech on Afghanistan? Repercussions from another
charming side story? A legislative healthcare battle prominently featuring
Abby?) and this gets brushed to the side, just checking in on staff every now
and then to remind us of this storyline.

And then at the end of the
episode, President Bartlett would come in from a charming weekend with Abby in
Vermont, in his dad jeans and a sweatshirt, put on his reading glasses and get
briefed, look over them at the person who's getting most of the blame (my guess
would be Donna) and say, "You - have you learned your lesson?"
"Yes Mr.
President"
"Good. Next time make sure no more weasels get in. We have enough
Republicans crawling around this place. Has the Secret Service been interviewed?
Have security policies been overhauled?"
"Yes Mr. President."
"Good. Now
I don't want to hear another word about this nonsense. We have a country to run,
and the situation in Izbekistan isn't going to resolve itself. You're dismissed.
Leo - you stay."
"Yes Mr. President?"
-laughing-"They actually crashed
the White House State Dinner?"
"Yes, Mr. President."
"Well, why aren't
you laughing, Leo?"
"Because Sir, this is a serious matter! You could have
been killed or worse!"
"Leo... if these (waves hands around with reading
glasses) fameballs got their 15 seconds of fame, I don't want to give them
anymore. Let the secret service deal with them. I'm going to bed - and you
should get some sleep to. Tell Mallory we expect to see her for Christmas."
"Yes sir, Mr. President, Good night Mr. President"

Maybe We Don't Give Jimmy Fallon Enough Credit

Because then he does something like this:

Must You Pistol Whip Everyone, Emmett?

Upon a scan through the annals of the blog, I am horrified by the number of times Twilight has been mentioned. As it is, this is the third one today, but the only joy I have received form those books is the ability to read things like Growing Up Cullen (extensive IM conversations imaging the life of a 108 year old male teenage vampire virgin) and be in enough on the joke to find them hilarious.

Possibly we will move on to more substantive material tomorrow. More likely, I will have some very important thoughts to share on the finale of 'America's Next Top Model,' and thus my shame continues.

Twilight Means Never Having to Say You're Kidding

Are we sensing a theme in today's posts?

Claire was kind enough to pass on a kind of Twilight-plus-Mormanism recap of the four books, which I highly recommend reading in lieu of the books themselves. I found myself laughing through the tears over these, enjoying the mockery and wit being displayed while also mourning the subject material exists in the first place, much like my experiences with anything Wonkette writes about Palin or Beck.

But that's besides the point. For your reading pleasure, I give you the Twilight series (I refuse to call it a saga) as it was meant to be experienced...

Twilight
New Moon
Breaking Dawn
Eclipse

** EDIT: I totally switched the titles of the last two books. The links are in the correct order, though. Honestly, I'm kind of relieved. I don't know enough about Twilight that I can correctly order four books! There's hope for me yet.

You've Come a Long Way, Baby

Yes, women are still often underpaid, discriminated against and generally have not yet reached the perfect equality with men we strive for. That doesn't mean we haven't come a long way! Case in point? This 1943 hiring guide for women, via Claire (or Qlayre, if you're using her reality TV pseudonym).

If the promise of truly hilarious (and yet terrible) sexist employment guidelines doesn't lure you to take a peek, here's a preview:

3. General experience indicates that "husky" girls - those that are just a
little on the heavy side - are more even tempered and efficient than their
underweight sisters.

Oooooh yeah. It's that good.

A Twist on the Movie Title Game

Slate, inspired by Transformers, ran a contest for movie titles based off of toys?

My favorites? He-Man and the Infinite Sadness and Night of the Cabbage Patch Kids—This Time, Your Vegetables Will Finish You.

140 Character Witticisms

Okay, I'll admit it...I love twitter. I didn't think I would, I thought it was superfluous, I thought I'd never use it. But no, it's amazing. Besides it's current "higher calling" of keeping all us privileged Westerners abreast of the situation in Iran, it also serves the totally low-brow purpose of being just damn entertaining. Mindy Kaling, Sockington and Ana Marie Cox's feeds routinely make me laugh out loud, not to mention the offerings of my criminally clever friends, such as Sam. It's let me keep in touch with my friends in England better than any other form of communication I know, not to mention being helpful in tracking London theater reviews and White House initiatives. The uses for Twitter for endless!

It's also a hilarious tool politicians use to get themselves in trouble . I follow a few, such as my senator Mark Warner and the ever-awesome Claire McCaskill, and so far they have managed to avoid causing any real ruckus. The Republicans seem to have that under control.

Case in point, Pete Hoekstra comparing the GOP struggles in Congress to the situation in Iran. Um...what?

Luckily, as is evidenced by this article from Alec, Twitter has another noble purpose...heckling!

My favorite?

netw3rk @petehoekstra Someone walked in on me while I was in the bathroom. Reminded me of Pearl Harbor.

Ah, genius.

I Went to School With These People

Via Overheard in New York:

Guy #1: May I presuppose what I think you're trying to articulate, which is, that the core universality of your character's arc needs to be explicitly emphasized in the color palate?
Guy #2: I think that's fair, but I'm not sure you can go there with an audience.
Guy #1: But isn't the whole narrative journey bringing them there?
Guy #2: Yes and no. Essentially we can't bring them there, because we can't get there ourselves.
Guy #1: Hmmm, I'm not sure if I agree with that.
Guy #2: We can't get there. Our protagonist can't get there, he can't bring us there with him.
Guy #1: Where?
Guy #2: The river.
Guy #1: Why is he going to the river?
Guy #2: Because that's--that's--that's the thing. That's the thing he has to do. It's like, he is that river, and that's why we go to a wide-shot there.
Guy #1: I do see the wide-shot there, but I think we need more exposition for the catharsis to work.

--Think Coffee, 3rd & Mercer