Sunday, January 24, 2010

And You Can Quote Me: The Boxcar Children #1: The Boxcar Children; Gertrude Chandler Warner

Now the baker's wife did not like children. She did not like boys at all.

"Come, Benny," he said. "You must wake up and walk now."
"Go away!" said Benny.

"Good morning, Benny. Time to get up. Today you must build something for me out of stones."
"What is it?" Benny asked eagerly.
"I'm not going to tell you," said Henry, laughing.

"A runaway hen!" said Jessie. "She wanted to hide her nest so she would have some chickens. We'll have the eggs for supper. I know how to cook eggs."

(Note: Is anyone else disturbed how easily Jessie segues from "how cute, she wanted babies" to "let's eat them"?)

Now J. H. Alden liked boys. He liked to see them running and jumping and playing.

Jessie laughed and laughed until she almost cried. Violet laughed until she did cry.
Then she could not stop crying. She cried and cried. At last Jessie made up her mind that Violet was really sick.

"Well, if you don't find him, maybe you can have me, " remarked Benny. "I like you."
"You do? cried the man. "Come and get up in my lap."

Friday, January 22, 2010

Five Passages from The Boxcar Children #6: Blue Bay Mystery

Because why not?

1. "Can Watch go?" asked Benny.
"Sorry, my boy. Let me tell you about Watch," began Mr. Alen.
"And now I know he can't," said Benny.

2. "I never saw such a lovely blue bay!" cried Jessie.
"You never will," said Lars. "They say this is the bluest bay in the world. We call it Blue Bay."

3. "..Sit on the big rocks. I'll give you each a fish line in a minute."
But it turned out that Lars had only four fish lines.
"It's just as well, " said Mr. Alden. "You girls sit on the rock and watch."

4. "Sounds good," said Peter. "My mother used to cook good things. I hope we can find her."

(Note: By "find her" Peter means "I hope she didn't die in that horrible shipwreck")

5. Mr. Alden went on. "Another thing, Captain, have you your secret camera?"
"Oh yes, I always have that."

...and one more!

BONUS: "I hope I can live till tomorrow," said Benny.
They all lived till "tomorrow."

Thursday, January 21, 2010

And You Can Quote Me: Reality Bites

Lelaina: I was really going to be somebody by the time I was 23.
Troy: Honey, all you have to be by the time you're 23 is yourself.
Lelaina: I don't know who that is anymore.
Troy: I do. And we all love her. I love her. She breaks my heart again and again, but I love her.

Thursday, January 14, 2010

Wednesday, January 13, 2010

"They who can give up essential liberty...

...to obtain a little temporary safety, deserve neither liberty nor safety."
-Benjamin Franklin

I am currently engaging in a bit of an experiment. Tucker Carlson launched the "conservative answer to the Huffington Post" a few days ago (a conservative answer to a progressive answer to a conservative aggragate blog? whatever) and, due to its vast superiority when it comes to layout and design, I have decided to give it a shot. Am I a conservative? Not at all, but my biggest problem with today's current political discourse is that there really is none. We retreat to our separate corners and we put our hands over our ears and we listen to only those who agree with us and that's...that's not how it's done. That's not how it should be done. And because of this, I've become increasingly uncomfortable getting my news from left-leaning sources. Am I getting the whole story? What's the other side say? And am I agreeing with what I'm reading because that's what I think, or that's what I'm being told to think?

Also, I feel it can only serve to strengthen/clarify your opinion if you form it in conflict with something. My favorite political discussions are those I have with my (reasonable, well-informed) conservative friends because while we neer change each other's minds, we do tend to wind up with a broader viewpoint and a deeper understanding.

So! Basically, that was a really long way of saying, I'm going to see where this Daily Caller thing takes me.

Day One was a little rough, in that I'd like to punch Eric Cantor in the face and there is some woman who is basically everything you hate about self-satisfied bloggers and Sarah Palin rolled into one, but the news stories...not so bad. Reasonable, even. Understandable, if nothing else.

Today, ignoring the lessons I learned yesterday, I once again ventured into the opinion column. After reading a poorly written, but relatively unoffensive call to parents to exert more diligence over their children's social lives, I clicked on a link for a post by Martha Zoller entitled A woman of a certain age vs. body scanners.

Now, let me preface this by saying, I hate the idea of body scanners. They make me markedly uncomfortable. I just think it's a step too far and, as Zoller points out, "Sources say the substance that was in his panties would not have been detectable by a full body scanner" (if I was a real journalist I would find information to substantiate this claim, but not being a real journalist, I'm inclined to give Zoller the benefit of the doubt when it comes to fact-checkable things). There has to be a point where you draw the line and say, no, no thanks, and, for me, that line is allowing a computer to strip search me. Again, I'm with Zoller here:

On top of that, it seems that TSA is telling a little white lie about whether these machines can store and send images. TSA says no, common sense says yes. If it can take a digital picture, it will show up somewhere and that scares me to death.
I'm not saying the TSA is lying, but it is well within the realm of possiblity that these images could be seen beyond that step through in the airport. And that's just not okay with me.

Zoller goes on:

So let’s look at the real problem with the boarding of Umar Farouk Abdulmutallab, who I call “The Panty Bomber,” on an airplane bound for Detroit on Christmas Day. Sources say the substance that was in his panties would not have been detectable by a full body scanner. There are disputes as to whether he had luggage or a passport, but there is no dispute that he arrived at the airport, booked a one-way ticket, paid cash and checked no luggage.

Again, I'm kind of on board with this, and at this point, I'm feeling good. I'm thinking, look at me and Zoller! We're on the same page! We are coming together over the idea of privacy! The answer is not to increase Big Brother, but to pay attention to things like one-way tickets paid in cash and no checked luggage (I have read enough spy novels in my day to know these are suspicious things)! Now she's going to talk about how his name was flagged and his father told us he was a terrorist and how the system fell down but how the rational answer is not then put the system on steroids but to fix the system and maintain our freedom! Huzzah! Maybe she will even use that great Ben Franklin quote (see above)!

And then I kept reading:

If you throw in there the fact that he was Muslim and a male under 40, there were red flags all over this guy.

So because of political correctness, I have to continue being searched at the airport. I generally set off the alarms every time I go through. Not sure what does it but I get the full raise your legs, hold your arms out, wand up and down treatment almost every time I fly. I don’t really mind it since we know Rubenesque women of 50 are at very high risk to try to take a plane down. What really makes me angry is seeing an octogenarian being frisked right down to their waistbands. I dared to ask a TSA agent why search an 85 year old woman who is in a wheelchair and he said, “last week we found a gun on a 90 year old.” Do you believe that, I don’t?

...oh.

This the point where my head starts to hurt. Suddenly, we're not talking about privacy and liberty anymore, we're talking about racial profiling to cut down on inconvenience.

I am immediately reminded of Colin Powell, when he endorsed Obama:

I'm also troubled by - not what Senator McCain says - but what members of the Party say, and it is permitted to be said: such things as, "Well, you know that Mr. Obama is a Muslim." Well, the correct answer is he is not a Muslim. He's a Christian; has always been a Christian. But the really right answer is, "What if he is? Is there something wrong with being a Muslim in this country?" The answer's "No, that's not America." Is there something wrong with some seven-year-old Muslim American kid believing that he or she could be President? Yet, I have heard senior members of my own Party drop the suggestion he's Muslim and he might be associated with terrorists. This is not the way we should be doing it in America.

I feel strongly about this particular point because of a picture I saw in a magazine. It was a photo essay about troops who were serving in Iraq and Afghanistan. And one picture at the tail end of this photo essay was of a mother in Arlington Cemetery. And she had her head on the headstone of her son's grave. And as the picture focused in, you could see the writing on the headstone. And it gave his awards - Purple Heart, Bronze Star; showed that he died in Iraq; gave his date of birth, date of death. He was twenty years old. And then at the very top of the headstone, it didn't have a Christian cross. It didn't have a Star of David. It had a crescent and a star of the Islamic faith. And his name was Karim Rashad Sultan Kahn. And he was an American. He was born in New Jersey, he was fourteen years old at the time of 9/11 and he waited until he could go serve his country and he gave his life.

According to Wikipedia (a sometimes dubious source, I know, but recall I am not a journalist), there are between 2.5 and 7 millions Muslims in the United States. I do not know the percentage of which are males under 40, and nor do I care. If we, as a country, decide it's okay to single out that demographic and label them as dangerous in our treatment of them, it affects everyone else as well. It creates a divide and draws a line in the sand and says "you are over there and we are over here." The GOP likes to point to American liberty as one of the reasons other cultures and countries take issue with us, as one of the reason we are superior, as something that makes America great and yet they seem to be so cavalier about revoking those rights to groups they take issue with.

And if we are going through with Zoller's suggestion, how do you recognize if someone is Muslim or not? You can't, not definitively and, as far as I know, there is no place on the passport for religion. So therefore Zoller's "Muslims under 40" is widened into "Arab-Americans under 40." Keep in mind, the Panty Bomber was Nigerian. So now its "Arab-Americans and Nigerians under 40." And it expands again. And again.

Zoller seems to accept the fact that, for an unknown reason, she sets off airport security and is stopped. As it should be. If I set something off, I should be stopped. If I pay for a one-way ticket with cash and no luggage, I should be stopped. This I do not argue with, because they are legitimately (in my mind) suspicious. A one-way ticket and no luggage indicates haste and no plan to return, which in turn indicates fleeing from something or creating a situation in which no return is possible. Cash, in conjunction with these things, indicates a desire to not be traced. Combined, very fishy.

I dared to ask a TSA agent why search an 85 year old woman who is in a wheelchair and he said, “last week we found a gun on a 90 year old.” Do you believe that, I don’t?

Well, yes. Yes, I do. You know why? Because in June of last year, an 88 year old man walked into the Holocaust Museum and opened fire. The old are just as capable of harm as the young. Hate doesn't know age, race or religion, and there is no way of looking at someone what is their minds.

Tuesday, January 12, 2010

All Day, Every Day

"Shhhhhhhhh. shhhhhhhhh. I'm telling you: your voice, my ears. A bad combination."
- Sleep Talking Man

Monday, January 11, 2010

But Could I Bring Myself to Watch It?

In response to Jezebel's coverage of the Palin-Fox agreement, one commentor offers up a vision of what could be:
This could be done right. Let's give her a show where she interviews terrorists and then she says goofy things and winks at the camera while her subjects are befuddled. It can be called "Palin around with Terrorists." Ooh, and she can have a brainy, Middle Eastern sidekick who goes by al-Kafi, and he tries to explain things to her rationally, but she calls him Al Coffee, and always interrupts him to say "just get me a coffee - if I wanted advice, I'd ask for Al Advice." Then she would wink at the camera, and as he scurries for her coffee, she'd get in some product placement and say "Make it a Folger's, none of that half-calf vinny hoo-ha mocha latte ya-ya nonsense for me. We'll leave that for the liberal east coasters!" And then the laughtrack would play. There will have to be a laugh track of course. You betcha.

Dear Christian Bale

Dear Christian Bale,

According to Wikipedia, when it comes to Newsies you are "not a fan of the film." About it you reportedly said, "Time healed those wounds. But it took a while." To which I say:

Get over yourself.

"Time healed those wounds"? Really? You're talking about a Disney musical you made when you were 17. You sang, you danced, you used a terrible accent. You were 17. When I was 17, I was wearing skater pants, Doc Marten's and had a pacifier on my key chain, yet I seem to be able to talk about it without it sounding like I lost my mother in a wildebeest stampede or found my spouse sleeping with the mailman. And yes, okay, so my teenage follies were not committed to film. I doubt my teenage follies ever inspired drinking games, or sing-alongs from the beach or even performed the simple task of making a 23 year old temp worker feel better about her day. My teenage follies did not bring the masses unbridled joy.

I mean, really. Get over yourself. There are worse things you could have been than the King of New York.

Are you really so humorless that you can't enjoy the fact that you were part of this movie? This ludicrous ridiculous, wonderful movie beloved by everyone I know (and probably most people born between 1984 and 1990). Is that really such a blight on your past? You auditioned for Batman and Robin, for Chrissake. You were in that atrocious A Midsummer Night's Dream. You provided a voice for Pocahontas. Has time healed those wounds, I wonder?

I want to like you. Love you, even. You are beautiful and talented and in a host of my favorite movies. Henry V! Little Women! The Prestige! YOU'RE BATMAN FOR F%&*^'S SAKE! It's like you hand-tailored your resume to pluck at my heart strings. But you know what that resume includes? Yeah, that's right. Newsies.

I want to like you, but you make it so hard, what with your vocally abusing that sound guy and the accused assault and the fact that I never see you smile. You were so charming as Laurie! So adorable as the one of Falstaff's boys! And seemed to be having so much fun as Jack Kelly. So why, Christian, why must you push this past of yours away from you? Is it so terrible that before you became a "serious actor" you had a little fun?

Come back, Christian. We miss you, here, in Notajerktopia.

Still jealous of Sarah after all these years,

emma

Saturday, January 9, 2010

And You Can Quote Me: Rock 'n' Roll; Tom Stoppard

Max: ...I'm down to one belief, that between theory and practice there's a decent fit — not perfect but decent: ideology and a sensible fair society, it's my double helix and I won't be talked out of it or done out of it or shamed out of it. We just have to be better. (pg. 22)

Interrogator: ... You're not clever, you're simple. And if you're not simple you're complicated. We're supposed to know what's going on inside people. That's why it's the Ministry of the Interior. Are you simple or complicated? Have a biscuit. (pg. 27)

Jan: ..last year, they lost their license — undesirable elements, you know. . .
Max: Undesirable how?
Jan: Their songs are morbid, they dress weird, they look like their on drugs, and one time they sacrificed a chicken on stage, but otherwise it's a mystery. (pg. 33)

Jan: If I were English I wouldn't care if Communism in Czechoslovakia reformed itself into a pile of pig shit. To be English would be my luck. I would be moderately enthusiastic and moderately philistine, and a good sport. I would be kind to foreigners in a moderately superior way and also to animals except the ones I kill, ad I would live a decent life, like most English people, and behave decently in the English way. (pg. 38)

Lenka: What you like about brains, Max, is that they all work in the same way. What you don't like about minds is that they don't. (pg. 58)

Esme: ...Is this all where we're going if we're lucky? A windy corner by a supermarket, with a plastic bag on the handlebars full of, I don't know, ready-meals and loo paper. . .lumpy faces and thickening bodies in forgettable clothes, going home with the shopping? But we were all beautiful then, blazing with beauty... (pg. 70)

Jan: ..We have an arrangement with ourselves not to disturb the appearances. We aim for inertia. We mass-produce banality. (pg. 82)

Jan: ?! (pg. 107)

Wednesday, January 6, 2010

Monday, January 4, 2010

Five Pieces of Clothing I Blame Ann M. Martin For

My morning has been unusually productive, but in between scheduling meetings and making photocopies, I have found ample time to explore What Claudia Wore. Who is Claudia, you ask, and why do we care what she wore? Well, my friend, you have obviously never been a 6 year old girl child. The "Claudia" is one Ms. Claudia Kishi, vice-president of the infamous Baby-Sitter's Club and fashion icon for those of us learning to read in the late 80s/early 90s.

Fact: I really wanted to be Claudia. She was so hip! She was so cool! She was Japanese! An artist! SHE WAS THIRTEEN! I aspired to be all of these things when I was six (yes, including Japanese) and thus, I tried my darndest to also dress like her.

Oh, emma.

To give you a sense, today's five things are five articles of clothing I not only owned but WORE. Not only wore, but thought I looked GREAT in. To my knowledge, none of these specific articles were ever photographed, which is a win for me since not only do I shudder to recall them but I was pretty round little kid back in the day who was also awkwardly taller than all her classmates. Also, all of them were bought and worn with the idea they made me look more like Claudia.

Ah youth.

1. Electric Blue Spandex Stirrup Pants ...yeah, do I really need to say anything else? Except that I bet American Apparel is selling them right now, which means time has taught us nothing.

2. Scottie Dog Shirt In retrospect, this probably leaned more towards "adorable nineties child" wear and less "80's trainwreck," but I recall it specifically because to me, in the first grade, it was something Claudia would have worn. The sleeves were long and black with, I think, some kind of herringbone pattern on the cuffs while the torso was half red and half yellow (front and back, kind of like a jester's coat). On the front were..three? appliqued Scottie dogs with bow ties in a plaid that was either red or yellow depending on which half of the shirt they were on (yellow on red/red on yellow). I really loved this shirt.

3. Purple Corduroy Overalls These were particularly exciting because my Claudia doll had them, too! Except hers were shorts and mine were pants, which meant I couldn't wear hot pink tights underneath in a way anyone would see. Oh well.

4. Puffy Shirt I do not watch Seinfeld, but I am aware there is an episode the revolves around this weird puffy-ruffled shirt. Guess who owned one of those? THIS girl! Oh yeah, was a big fan of that thing. It was white and kind of silky, and I may have owned a second in denim (the denim one? Okay, I admit, there may be a school photo...).

5. Harlequin Mask Pins I found these to be really exciting, and never felt more "hip" and "with it" than when I was wearing them on either side of my purple corduroy overalls.

I am...yeah, I got no words on this one. So I will leave you with a posting from What Claudia Wore. This was the inspiration for all the horror just described. This was the goal of six year old emma's style aspirations:

"For instance, at that Labor Day meeting she was wearing a bracelet of dyed, braided shoelaces, along with a blousy ruffled shirt that looked as if it once belonged to Captain Hook; mismatched high-top Converse sneakers; and baggy, pinstriped men's suit pants, gathered at the waist with a bungee cord. On me, something like that would look like a Halloween costume. On Claudia it looked way cool."

...See?